Bad Münstereifel, DE – In preparation for a live report from this town in western Germany, Susanna Ohlen was seen smearing mud on herself in order to feign having aided in the clean-up after the devastating floods. Ohlen is no longer employed by the German network RTL, and the mud in question is livid.
“I was mudnapped!” exclaimed the spokesmud through a Mud-German-English translator. “I wasn’t consulted ahead of the smearing. This was a smear job, all right.”
It seems mud has had about enough of its name being literally dragged through itself.
“I am seeking counsel as to how to proceed; I feel this derogatory language has to end,” mud oozed vehemently, “Terms like mudslinging, and getting down in the mud have to go.”
The casual onlooker, who captured video of Ms. Ohlen prepping herself, concurred.
“Jawohl, Diese Scheiße ist wirklich passiert! Der Schlamm wurde nicht konsultiert*,” Argo Nerd testified.
*Amateur translation due to prohibitive cost of earlier translator: “Yes, that shit really happened. The mud was not consulted.”
Mud continued, “Some mud gets glamour posts; for example, the mud in that Suits episode when Donna went to the spa. My friend worked that gig, and couldn’t wait to get all up in that! Meanwhile I got slathered unceremoniously on some hack reporter.”
It is felt we have not heard the end of this.
“Has Every Mud Matters been copyrighted yet?” mud asked rhetorically.
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2021 07 24
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