*not his words
Muskoka, ON – From an undisclosed location in Muskoka, Premier Doug Ford seems to have taken offence at a recent series of memes created on Twitter at his expense.
“Folks,” he started traditionally, “This collection of memes is really disturbing my vacation. Now, here’s one here where they started with a standard photo of me with Prime Minister Trudeau.”
“Now, whoever takes that, and because I use to hands to help me speak, this happens…”
“Now, anyone who knows me knows I can’t play the accordion, in fact it is a terrible musical instrument.”
“Or how about this one?”
“In this one I am “telling” the PM I have solved youth unemployment by giving my nephew a job in government. In fact, my nephew is the new Minister of Citizenship & Immigration for Ontario! In my opinion people come to Ontario (immigrate), and stay (citizenate) in this fine province of Ontario. Mikey, I like to call him that, is a rookie MPP, but he is the finest Minister of Citizenship & Immigration we have!”
“Thankfully, these Twitterers moved onto another photo, but they just won’t leave me alone! I work my back (Ed. It is believed he means backside, or ass) off, and these next photos really get my goat.”
“#1, I am bragging about a fish I caught. I don’t fish; they are icky to touch. #Next, I am supposedly working out, but my hands are busy talking, so Mikey is helping me from behind. I can tell you, Mikey doesn’t have the reach! And #C, I was alleged to have planned weekend work, but played crokinole instead. Again, I am fortunate enough to have a cottage to relax; it is not for working at. Did you know some regular people actually live in a house, or an apartment in Muskoka? Unbelievable, eh!”
At the conclusion of his rant, Premier Ford was heard to ask if he had a Minister of Social Media who could investigate these untruths.
“No! Then make me one!” he bellowed, “And who wants a game of crokinole?”
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