Car theft on the rise (#160)

Montreal, QC – A meeting of federal, provincial and municipal officials, along with representatives of the insurance and automotive industries was convened recently to begin to tackle the growing concern about the theft on automobiles. The need for stricter penalties, unclonable key fobs, improved border security, and the banning of key-fob cloning technology were all bandied about. Finger-pointing and reverse finger-pointing was also evident.

With all this attention on motor vehicles, a trip to an automotive warehouse was inevitable. In the back corner of the facility on the outskirts of the city, a late model Barracuda was observed; its engine rumbling away. It was easily observable that fluid was dripping from its underside. 

Barry, the dribblingly pensive Barracuda, as seen in a Montreal

At first it was thought to be an indicator if its age; however, one observant observer observed a pattern to the fluid’s oozing. 

It was Morse Code! Morse Code (MC) is a language that consists of shortbursts of long sounds or light. The short bursts are called “dit” while the long bursts are referred to as “dah”.

With the dougzone Interpreter Team on a well deserved hiatus, the car’s message was deciphered by a former Boy Scout.

 “.– …. .- – / … …. .- .-.. .-.. / .– . / -.-. .- .-.. .-.. / -.– — ..- ..–..,” he asked.

(What do we call you?)

“– -.– / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. … / -.-. .- .-.. .-.. / — . / -… .- .-. .-. -.– –..– / -… ..- – / -.– — ..- / -.-. .- -. / -.-. .- .-.. .-.. / — . / … .. .-.,” the surly vehicle responded.

(My friends call me Barry, but you can call me sir.)

It was clear that this conversation was going to get hard on the readers eyes very quickly,  so we switched to some MC translation software.

“Sir, we are here to discuss the spate of car thefts in Canada. Do you have any comment for us?” we offered.

“.. / -.. — / -. — – –..– / -… ..- – / .. / …. .- …- . / .- -. — – …. . .-. –..– / — — .-. . / .–. .-. . … … .. -. –. / -.-. — -. -.-. . .-. -.” Barry replied.

(I do not, but I have another, more pressing concern.)

What were these cars trying to tell us?

Seems we hadn’t hooked the camera monitoring his oil drips to the software correctly. 

Once rectified, we continued the inquisition with, “Oh, please, sir! What is your concern?”

Barry replying in translated English said, “Why do humans have to label us? Isn’t a car just a car? Most of us have four wheels, an engine of some sort, and carry people wherever they care to go.”

Barry continued unpromptedly, “There’s that name-calling accompanied by the badges! Somewhere on my body, I have been tagged as a Barracuda; Alf the Romeo over there has been stuck with an insignia too. It just isn’t right!”

And with that, Barry’s engine sputtered and was silent. As we disconnected our deciphering mechanism, and vocalized our mournful thoughts about his long life, a few drops fell from Barry’s undercarriage.

“.. / .- — / -. — – / -.. . .- -.. / -.– — ..- / .. -.. .. — – … / .— ..- … – / — ..- – / — ..-. / –. .- …,” was noted by our former Scout.

(I am not dead you idiots; just out of gas!)

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