Eugene, OR – Icthyo-paleontologists at the University of Oregon have renamed the largest known salmon based on a recent discovery. Originally named “sabre-toothed”, this 2.7 metre salmon is to be known as “spike-toothed” henceforth.
Fossils of the the fish found in 1970 lacked teeth, so scientists of the time suspected the teeth were oriented as a similarly named tiger. A 2014 discovery had teeth that project sideways, so the name of this beast has been adjusted accordingly.
“Scaled” for your pleasure
Unfortuntely artwork, t-shirts, and advertising for an upcoming exhibit of the fossils, at the Museum of Natural and Cultural History on the university campus will have to be re-issued to accommodate the latest finding.
Budgeted for a small but settling for a medium, we attempted to contact this monster’s spirit in an effort to get a sense of its reaction to the name change.
An obvious candidate for icthyo-orthodontics
Once a link was established, the obvious question was offered: What is your name?
Spike-toothed salmon: Thammy.
dougzone22: Hello, there! Do you appreciate having your breed renamed?
Thammy: Oh, for fuck thake! I withh my parentth had the cathh with which to get my teeth thtraightened! They said, ‘Thammy, there ithn’t thuch a thing ath an icthyo-orthodontitht nowadayth.
dougzone22: So your teeth are not representative of the entire species?
Thammy: Hell, no! They thertainly are not!
Dougzone22: Do you have anything to say to the icthyo-paleontologists who made this decision?
Thammy: I thure do. They thhould make thure they don’t thpeculate about an entire thpecieth bathed on one thample. They dithcovered an older thibling of mine in the ‘70th, who had lotht all hith teeth in a thcrap with a thea therpent yearth before, and athumed we were all like him.
dougzone22: What was your brother’s name?
Thammy: Ullytheth; he wath a thpectacular thwimmer!
dougzone22: Thammy, we want to thank you for this.
Thammy: THAMMY, I told you my name ith Thammy!
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