London, ON, Canada – Researchers at the Northern Tornadoes Project (NTP) at Ontario’s Western University (not the westernmost in Canada or this province longitudinally, so why?) were certain that two natural events, wildfires and tornadoes, are linked but not as they expected.
Pointillism in science at work here
“As one can clearly see by the data, the link between these two occurrences is in fact an inverse one!” said David Sills, executive director of the NTP. “In laymen’s, ah, I mean laypeople terms, when we have a really big fire year like last year, we tend to get less tornadoes.”
The scientists have a theory to justify their finding of course. After all, the evidence is “clearly” visible above.
Workers in Toronto play TwisterⓇ at lunch under a smokey sky
“Yes, the data indicates there were 129 tornadoes in Canada in 2022, but only 86 last year which was the country’s worst for wildfires,” Sills uttered redundantly, as if we couldn’t read his Advanced Dashboard.
When prompted for a theory, Sills confidently shifted gears and said, “We suspect the smoke from the burning forests prevents sunlight from warming the air which we expect to cause instability in the atmosphere that results in twisters.”
Burny McWildfire Vivian “Twisty” Vortex
In search of a second opinion, dougzone22 re-activated its Love Lorn Dept. which in turn contacted two of last year’s natural disasters: Burny McWildfire and Vivian “Twisty” Vortex.
“Yeah, at first he, McWildfire, was all hot and that! I mean, a real scorcher, eh!” Twisty spewed. “But after a while, he fizzled out.”
As for Burny, he offered a succinct evaluation of the sudden demise of their relationship, “Oh, man! She was like so twisted; I was blown away from her.”
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