Pope invites women to Synod; excitement reigns (#112)

Vatican City – In a groundbreaking edict, Pope Francis, the guy who heads the city-state of Vatican City, has granted women the right to vote. Not all the women, but it is expected forty-five females will be allowed to vote in October’s Synod of Bishops.

Vatican City becomes the last place on Earth to offer suffrage to women. The penultimate territory was the Swiss canton, Appenzell Innerhoden, in 1991.

He’s having some of the girls over to his place

This move by the Pope has been heralded by Catholic Women’s groups as ‘a significant crack in the stained glass ceiling’.

(Ed. On this auspicious occasion, the women’s group may have wanted to employ a thesaurus while composing its statement.)

Do these lasses know what awaits them?

With only six months to prepare, the news has raised the anticipation level to critical.

“Some of the lads haven’t seen a woman since before their mothers died,” one Synod planner exclaimed. “We have some significant investigating to do!”

Typical seating arrangement for a typical Synod

“Here is an initial list we have brainstormed,” the spokesplanner ejaculated.

The lads have been deep in thought, although not finished

Not all the planning has gone into contemplating the presence of women at the Synod.

“We anticipate a more spirited collection of Bishops for this Synod,” our spokesplanner interjected. “I know a massive order for Creed Santal Imperial cologne (circa 1850) has been placed, while a few of the younger prelates are set to douse themselves with Old Spice.”


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Save me the time of licking all those email stamps, please!

Mitre? More like Probablier! (#92)

Vatican City – As early as 1051, accusations of child abuse by Catholic priests have been documented. At that time, Pope Leo “Imma no lion” IX was convinced to exclude clergy who had offended repeatedly, or over a long period of time.

A long time namely 971 years, have passed, and the abuses continue to be reported.

Those in charge at The Vatican have issued denials, and apologies, and shuffled the offending staff from place to place to place.

Mitre: The hat with a contradictory name

Well, it seems the little country in Italy that could have cleaned up its act at any time in the last millennium, has decided to give up entirely. Premiering, just in time for the Yule log season, The Vatican is releasing a line of clothing that will entice even the most pious of parishioner to succumb to the wishes of its clergy.

Such a small place; such a nasty problem

Keeping the comfort of the abuser in mind, the transparent fabric is said to be wickedly wicking, and features a built-in clerical collar that leaves no doubt as to who is performing the “laying on of hands”. A simple cross adorns the front of the undergarment’s boxers. This provides some semblance of decorum, and offers the cleric a modicum of modesty.

Altar attendants, and assorted laypersons can keep a eye open for this imminent launch.

Forgive me Father, for I am about to sin®

® Vatican City Clothiers


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