Mass emigration from Canada uncovered

An undisclosed location along 49th parallel of latitude – There is news today of a mass emigration of Canadians to the United States. Literal flocks of Canadians are filling Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) kiosks to the rafters (Ed. Note alternate definition of rafter)! Just days after Canada’s Thanksgiving, turkeys are seeking refuge south of the border.

Not this Turkey

Speaking to us through a Turkish interpreter (Ed. Who knew?), Turk “Don’t call me Knobby” Gobbler opened with some statistics.

“This past weekend, it is believed 2.7 million of my fellow fowl were served to our fellow Canadian humans!” Gobbler chirped. “And that’s a fact!” he added redundantly.

Let it be noted Gobbler’s “fact” is more likely an estimate he found while pecking on the Internet.

Nor this turkey

Speaking of fowl, the air in the CBSA hut was getting quite aromatic as the actual guano deepened.

While avoiding the question about turkeys being incredibly tasty, Knobby offered another fact to the nose-holding press.

“In Canada there is a lottery called Lotto Max. In Ontario, the Ontario Lottery & Gaming Commission suggests the odds in favour of winning the jackpot are 1 in 33 294 800.

“Knobby” pictured third from left in middle row

Plied for a link between his two statements of fact, Gobbler added, “Our intended destination has an annual tradition of pardoning a turkey each year! We prefer our odds in the pardon lottery in a couple of weeks.”

Just before Turk had his ticket punched for the US, he was seen grabbing one last ducat for this Friday’s Lotto Max*.

*In mentioning Lotto Max*, is not endorsing gambling, nor seeking a discount for the bi-weekly office pool.


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