Holy shit: $14 M for Papal security! (#103)

Ottawa, ON – It has been revealed that Canada’s Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) spent almost $14 million on a security detail for Pope Francis’ apology tour in July 2022. Travel expenses, accommodations, food, and overtime pay in each of four locations across the country were incurred. The visitor elected to travel to Canada to acknowledge the involvement of his band of merry child abusers, in particular their abuse, rape, and murder of indigenous children at their residential schools.

“Canada, eh? I hear the beavertails are to die for!”

But what about his Pontifical Swiss Guard, you ask? This gang of court-jester-like lads are the laughing stalk of the world’s militaries, and prefer to work solely within the confines of the Vatican.

Wouldn’t be caught dead in public. Can you blame them?

Despite the absence of his home grown security, Pope Frank departed for Canada with gay abandon, leaving Canada’s RCMP to provide for his protection.

“Look at me! I’m a Jeepster for your love!”

Not only did the leader of Roman Catholic Church make speeches, hold private meeting with indigenous leaders, but he also milked the assembled masses in Edmonton, and Quebec City at fundraisers called masses! It is not known if he tipped his protective services detail from the proceeds, but it is on-highly doubted.

Were these performers offered protection from known abusers?

When asked about the inordinate cost of this trip’s measures to safeguard the guest, a spokesperson admitted, “It seems the old guy left his wallet in his other cloak.”


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