Tag: PNAS

Cartoon bird-like dinosaurs laid eggs (#109)

Undisclosed location, southern Alberta – In this past week’s Proceedings of the National Academy of Science (PNAS), a report on Troodons that were bird-like reptilian, emu-sized, meat-eating dinosaurs revealed they probably laid eggs in communal nests over 75 million years ago. Studies of the anatomy of Troodons combined with evidence of petrified nests, indicates the flightless creatures must have shared their nests with others.

Troodon nest with multiple eggs (No idea where they got the ruler)

Oddly enough, this discovery has been accompanied by a series of still shots of Troodon-cartoon characterizations. The creation of these cartoons must have been due to a lack of live-action photography, dougzone concludes. In an attempt to gain further input about Troodons, we consulted with a spokes-dinosaur, not surprizingly called Dino.

Dino standing near a nest resembling a Yogo game

dougzone: Humans currently believe your species had communal nests.

Dino: Yes, we definitely yabba-dabba do!

dougzone: It must have been difficult to brood that many eggs!

Dino: Yeah, they got rather slippery because of the yabba-dabba-dew!

Dino strikes a brooding pose

dougzone:  With so many of you minding the nest, did it get messy?

Dino: Oh, after the gestation period, there was plenty of yabb-dabba doo-doo!

dougzone: Who would take the night shift during the brooding period?

Dino: One of us was always willing to spend the night yabba-dabba do-dooing on the nest.

Dino and Sassie admire the setting of their nest

dougzone: Tell us about the excitement at hatching time.

Dino: We’d all come running when whoever was minding the nest at the end of the incubation called out, ”They are yabba-dabba due!”

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2023 04 08

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Beetles are rectum-drinkers (#107)

Copenhagen, Denmark – A team of biologists in Copenhagen and Edinburgh have ass-certained beetles not only reclaim moisture from their excrement before its elimination like all animals, but can extract water from the air when necessary.

Hey, I’m drinking over here, so get your face out of my arse!

Putting it simply in their publication for the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences Journal, “ Using genetics and electrophysiological studies, we show that a cation/H+ (NHA1) transporter is exclusively localized to specialized leptophragmata cells in the Malpighian tubules associated with the rectal complex. Ion transport by NHA1 in leptophragmata underpins the movement of water from the rectum to recycle it back to the body, and is essential for maintaining systemic water balance in beetles.”

Peeping scientist ogles anal drinkers strictly for science

With findings such as this, the murderous scientists have plans to find a protein that would interfere with this process, and plan to use it to kill the most numerous beings on Earth.

Rectal hydration, anal drinking, or sphincteral affusion would be quite handy in humans; no ifs, ands, or butts!

Imagine all, or any one of the following:

1. While dining, humans would no longer choke unexpectedly while imbibing.

2. The ever popular, although messy, spit take would become a thing of the past.

3. While in a swimming pool, bathers could enjoy an ice cold beer while simultaneously rehydrating; therefore, no hangover!

Sir Richard of Starkey

Despite these stunning applications of the genetics and electrophysiological studies mentioned above, it seems inevitable jewelers and music historians alike will reached a definitive reason for Richard Starkey, of The Beatles, to have called himself Ringo!

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2023 03 29

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