Monkeypox gets a new name (#90)

Montreal, QC – A local Montreal men’s health group has successfully petitioned The World Health Organization (WHO) to adjust the term Monkeypox to Mpox because the original designation is considered racist, and stigmatizing. The Montreal-based group, RÉZO, had asked the Quebec government to rename the disease’s French name, and are pleased that WHO has accepted its English variant.

Even under a microscope this virus looks scary

“Stigmatizing?” growled Tommy “Don’t Call Me Cheetah” The Monkey, “You can bet your hairless ass that word is stigmatizing!”

Yet another dougzone22 interpreter felt compelled to seek some background information from the clearly irate Simian.

Mr. The Monkey howled, “The abuse of my species dates back to the 17th of your centuries. An ancient Japanese proverb “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” was popularized as a pictorial Shinto maxim featuring monkeys posing. What a crock of tawagato!”

When prompted for more evidence, Tommy was more than obliging. “Ever used a monkey wrench?” he chattered. “Think that looks anything like me? It’s just another example of abusive nomenclature.”

Don’t ask for one of these in your local zoo, nor tropical rainforest

“Anything else you’d like to air?” our inquisitor inquisitioned.

“I bet 100 of my kind working on 100 computers, as you would stigmatizingly proffer, could spell Monkeys better than the Monkees did!”

Couldn’t spell worth scat

“If you could talk, why didn’t you say something?” our interpreter asked.

“Why did you think we were throwing shit in your general direction? Take a hint, Mr. Homo sapien!”

An obvious follow-up had to be how much the simians hate the Foo Fighters’ song Monkey Wrench.

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Tommy geckered, “We love that fucking tune!”

Our woke simian was last seen scampering away to piss in his friends’ mouths.


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Bug out!

Montreal, QC – Last week, at this fair city’s Insectarium, North America’s largest natural history museum dedicated to insects, an entomophagical pop-up occurred. The curator of the museum commissioned Chef Daniel Vézina to prepare a gourmet sampling of food items that each contained insects.

Chef Daniel Vézina smiles while background distracts clientele from food

While one might think this was a pop-it-in-your-mouth-and-let-it-crawl-down-your-throat event, the insects were actually cooked, so swallowing was involved.

The offering included such delicacies as roasted almonds with grasshopper-lime salt and a tapenade made with mealworms and sun-dried tomatoes.

Mealworm balls contain entire mealworms contrary to the name

At first glance, it seems Chef found some food normally considered bad, and served it anyway.

Over here in the kitchen, a few other alleged delicacies have been envisioned:

1. Horse-fly puree – A nice little paste consisting of actual horse, and its accompanying symbiotic partner, the fly.

2. Musca domestica à l’excretia – You’ve heard of the expression “like flies to shit”, right? Only the finest manure is dried, and sterile, and mashed in with the common housefly.

3. Oatmeal mealworm cookies – For those who like oatmeal cookies, but not raisins.

Michelle Furtado, self-professed insect hater, prepares to teach crickets a lesson

4. Porc à la trough mealy bug – You guessed it! Trough bug encrusted with bacon bits.

5. Haggis avec Midge – A truly Scottish inspired concoction with haggis and a soupçon of midges.

6. Tofu con Formicidae – Hell, even vegans hate when ants invade a picnic! Are we right?


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