LASERs shown to attract Lightning; Lightning pissed off! (#98)

Geneva, Switzerland – Scientists at the University of Geneva, École Polytechnique in Paris and the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology Lausanne have demonstrated using Light Amplified by Stimulated Emission of Radiation (LASER) on a mountaintop in northeast Switzerland that they can divert lightning! Although unpredictable, and traditionally considered dangerous, Lightning is not particularly pleased with this modernization of the age-old lightning rod.

LASER colourfully pissing off Lightning

“That bastard Benjamin Franklin first started annoying me 270 years ago,” Lightning’s spokes-sound, Thunder cracked seconds after Lightning appeared for this interview. “I have got used to avoiding those short, inappropriately named ‘lightning rods’ in the interim. I wasn’t consulted in the naming process.”

A lightning rod’s effective range is relative to its length, so a LASER beam offers protection over larger areas.

Lightning caught on CCTV in a moment of weakness

“I have been spewing my wrath randomly all over the world, like a porn star with a spastic prostate,” Thunder clapped anatomically erroneously, “I cause 45% of forest fires which burn 2.3 million hectares each year!

In a conciliatory manner, Thunder added, “A couple of years ago, some scientists actually credited me with cleaning pollution from the atmosphere.”

Then the rumbling continued.

“LASER is relatively new technology, I have heard. Invented in 1960, it is still shitting its pants relative to my age! Of course I was attracted, because they set up shop in an area I frequent almost 100 times a year. My lawyer will have them for entrapment.”

In a flash, Lightning disappeared and Thunder was left to roll away tardily.


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