Sydney, Australia – After raw-dogging it for their entire existence, biologists have ascertained the cute and cuddly Koala is on the verge of extinction due to 80% of the population have Chlamydia.
Mischievous but infected little buck
In a land known for The Outback, Rodney Rude, kangaroos, emus (with/without Rolf Harris), Bruces, Troy Kinne, Olivia Newton-John, Uluru, prawns on the barbie, Crocodile Dundee’s knife, Sydney Bridge, Sydney Opera House, Doug Mulray, Wentworth, Tasmanian Devils, Kitty Flanagan, The Great Barrier Reef, Mark Titheradge, the didgeridoo, boomerangs, Russell Coight, Ugg boots, Gum trees, billabongs, cork hats, Jane Turner, swagmen, Steve Irwin, wine, Rod Laver, and Yvonne Goolagong Cawley, Koalas are too.
Flaming galah in a cork hat
The infected marsupials have become the objective of a trap-and-vaccinate project in their east-coast habitat. This is quite popular with Australians, but not so keen about it are the Koalas themselves.
More than willing to speak his mind between lengthy naps, Blinky Koala said, “Hello, mate! I heard Chlamydia causes blindness, infertility, and inevitable death, but that vaccination is something created in a lab, mate. Struth!”
Obviously informed but also caught up in misinformation hysteria, Blinky emerged from another nap in time to add, “Mate, my kind do 3 things really well. We eat eucalyptus leaves, we root, and we sleep for about 20-hours a day. When I am supposed to have the time to slip a dinger on my literal button-on-a-fur-coat?”
This wee one has taken the cure
Animals that have been vaccinated have been tagged with a pink dye, so the scientists can avoid catching them twice.
Reeking of eucalyptus and about to nod off again, Blinky added, “Those females with the pink arses are right stunners, and worthy of a damn good smashing though!”
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2023 05 16
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