Vancouver, BC – In Vancouver this week, an undisclosed number of wolves escaped from their enclosure at the Greater Vancouver Zoo (GVZ). One wolf remains at large, and he spoke to us under assurances of anonymity.
“Oh, this has been a great experience,” X the Wolf howled.
Our informant had requested we name him after the character from The Great Escape movie of 1963.
When questioned about his inspiration for the getaway, X was more than willing to share.
“There was a family movie night here a few years ago,” X yelped, “And they showed the assembled crowd Over The Hedge along with Madagascar. You know, kid oriented films, but mind boggling for my fellow inmates!”
But in a statement, the Greater Vancouver Zoo said it asked police to look into what happened Tuesday morning, as the incident was deemed “suspicious, and believed to be due to malicious intent.”
X barked back, “No, not to disrespect my animal brothers and sisters, that’s bullshit! We did this on our own, because the conditions here suck elephant balls!”
A recent report by the Vancouver Humane Society condemned the GVZ for enclosures which prevent the animals from engaging in natural behaviours.
“My buddy, Jag the Jaguar lost his shit last year, and mistook an employee for dinner,” X added cunningly.
X was sheepish about revealing his long term plan.
“Vancouver has so much to offer. Stanley Park has some neat hiding places, I may go fishing, and I have always wanted dine atop Grouse Mountain. I have been told grouse are really tasty!” he added stealthily.
Asked for a parting comment, X mistakenly uttered, “As for the title of this article, I have never been fond of lamb, other than as friends. Don’t believe everything you see in the cartoons!”
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2022 08 19
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