Record breaking cave-dweller draws ire (#110)

Granada, Spain – A 50-year-old sportswoman/mountaineer, Beatriz Flamini, has recently emerged from a 500-day stay in a cave. Her subterranean respite was done deliberately as part of a psychological study. Supporters believe she has set a record that should be acknowledged by the fine people at the Guinness Book of Records. Flamini was quoted as saying she was quite happy with reading books, knitting, and didn’t want to leave.

Flamini seen emerging; failed to report on whether she saw her shadow

Of all the known troglodytes including bears, Barney Rubble, and Osama bin Laden, only one former cave-dweller was willing to remark on Flamini’s escapade.

“I had had enough after my 48 hours,” proclaimed an inflamed bit of shrubbery that claimed to be Jesus S. Christ.

An abrupt response was offered when the burning bush was asked to clarify the middle initial, for the sake of our reporter.

“Yes, it is S for “spelunker”, not H,” He said in a tone of admonition. “For My sake, I wish you people would get it right, once and for all.”

Verily a shroud of evidence in this depiction of S’s weekend accommodation

And the thicket wasn’t quite finished with the assessment of Flamini’s accomplishment.

“Book reading, and knitting, eh? I barely had time to throw on a loin cloth before I was hauled away! Beatriz must have had a better travel agent,” He ranted officiously.

Flamini made videos while residing 70 metres underground

After viewing a video of the latest cave-dwelling record-holder, our cave-dwelling expert began to lose His excrement.

“Dad damn it! Lights, food, and Go-pro too! Sponsorships weren’t really a thing when I was thrust into the field of speleogy. I mean, Me, I was barely alive at the time!”

And in a flash, the local firefighters appeared, the engulfed hedge was doused, and the spokes-topiary was speechless.


2023 04 17

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