Up yer kilt, Disney! (#99)

Edinburgh, Scotland – The government of the United Kingdom recently invoked Section 35 of the Scotland Act of 1998 to prevent the ruling Scottish nationalist Part (SNP) from enacting its gender recognition bill. The bill was intended to streamline the process for people wanting to change their gender designation. UK’s government determined that Scotland’s bill contradicted current UK law, so it was quashed. This was the first invocation of Section 35 ever!

Scotland was granted its own devolved parliament, called Hollyrood, in 1997 to give itself more local control.

First Minister of Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon, gesticulates a level playing field

This latest setback will not dissuade the Take Back the Scot in Scotland committee of First Minister Nicola Sturgeon. This little-known commission has been diligently eliminating the term “Scotch” from the English language, and the “stigma of stingy” that permeates humans’ attitude toward the fine people of Scotland.

“Oh, aye!” exclaimed Sturgeon when asked about this panel. “Scotch should only be used in reference to blended whisky from Scotland. It is no a synonym for cheap!”

As far away as Canada, one business had quite a run with its mascot, Sandy McTire, whose image appeared on “coupons” which eventually became known as Canadian Tire Money. The coupons were initially produced in 1958, and endure to this day. With the advent of digital cards, however; McTire has pretty well vanished from ads, and flyers. A likeness of Ebenezer Scrooge has replaced the Scot’s visage much to the enjoyment of Sturgeon’s surreptitious group.

McTire with successor Scrooge displaying McTire’s offensive currency

The one remaining transgressor of the Scot’s anti-parsimonious board is Disney’s Scrooge McDuck! While obviously a cartoon character like McTire, McDuck’s reluctance to change his ways has drawn the ire of Sturgeon’s panel.

McDuck: so penurious he doesn’t own pants!

“Oh, aye!’ Sturgeon cried out. “Mr. McDuck’s Wikipedia page clearly states his birthplace in Glasgow! His parsimonious nature has been documented since 1947.”

Sturgeon, clearly irritated, proclaimed, “Oh, aye! If McDuck’s legal team doesn’t kowtow to our demands, I personally will place one of my Welies up his water-tight arse!”

Upon hearing that offer, McDuck was seen dropping a few pence on a pair of Kevlar breeks.


2023 01 31