Wild turkeys taking back Boston (#115)

Boston, MA – According to Boston.com’s Wickedpedia, a hot-button topic for Bostonians right now is the number of wild turkeys (a.k.a.Meleagris gallopavo) within the city limits. Flocks of the large, noisy birds can be seen walking the streets, and even tying up traffic.

“It’s damn inconvenient,” Barney Beaner exclaimed. “I can’t tell you how many times I have slipped on some, or all of their guano. Those birds have to go!”

Which came first? The egg-layer or the road?

When Europeans first invaded North America, wild turkeys were it great abundance. Indigenous people hunted them for food, but colonists took hunting to a whole new level. The result was the near extinction of the birds until naturalists interceded.

“Hell, yeah,” gobbled Tom Gobbler through the dougzone22 ”Turkish” interpreter. “My species was here first!”

The species was re-introduced through repatriation from upstate New York’s Allegany State Park where the gaggles abounded.  National Wild Turkey Federation’s New England district was the agent for the bids.

“My kind got the hell out of Boston, Brookline, and Massachusetts in general, “Gobbler chirped. “Humans helped us reclaim our territory, and now they complain.”

Gobbler seen strutting his stuff in front of a tax-paying whiner

When asked how his kind passes the time in town, Gobbler had many suggestions.

“Some of us enjoy the parks, browsing the shops, and I know a select few who attend at M.I.T., and I got into Harvard!”

No MBTA Pass required; Gobbler flies to school!

When asked which department he studied at, Gobbler got quite indignant.

“We who attend Harvard never end a sentence with a preposition!” then took flight so as to shit on Barney Beaner’s Tesla.


2023 05 09

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