Minorca, Spain – From evidence found on a 3000-year-old burial site on this island off the coast of Spain, archaeologists, who always have had their way with such findings, are weaving a fantastic tale of psychedelic-drug use all that time ago.
Earlier members of this allegedly educated sect, who call themselves scientists, have openly suspected our predecessors of all sorts of misbehaviour, but today’s gang of storytellers believe they have proof.
Analysis reveals this was hair of an early Cheech or Chong
A tuft of hair stored in a container has been analyzed, and lo and behold the hallucinogens atropine and scopolamine, and the stimulant ephedrine were unveiled! The source of this booty is unknown, as the archaeologists have not found evidence of a drug store, nor an unscrupulous dealer.
Looking to debunk the archaeological bunk humankind has endured for centuries, we took a sample of the hair, had it cloned, and interviewed Beulah our spokes-clone.
Quite the looker in her day, Beulah definitely has seen better ones
dougzone:Good afternoon, Beulah! How are you?
Beulah: How the hell do you think I am? Where am I, and what have you done with my clothes?
dougzone: It is 2023, and you have new clothes. We’d like to know about your lifestyle. We are being told, you took a lot of drugs.
Beulah: Drugs? We called them food. There wasn’t much going on back then! My mate, Greco, spent his time perfecting his mating prowess, and I spent most of my time warning my girlfriends. Greco could have used a stiffener, if you know what I mean, man!
dougzone: Had partying been invented?
Beulah: Other than our food, we had fantastic liquids which paired nicely with the food.
dougzone: Our scientists believe you must have been a shaman.
Beulah: No, Shaman was the guy who lived in the grotto across the field. He was hilarious!
dougzone: Do you have an example for us?
Beulah: Yeah, man. One day he knocked on Greco’s door, and said, “Hey, man; it’s me, Dave.”
Then Shaman, stoned out of his gourde, says, “There’s no Dave here!”
Then Greco said, “Okay dude,” and walked away to play with his wheel, and stare at the sun.
Chaffinch: beautiful plumage, even prettier deep fried
dougzone: Thanks for this, Beulah. Do you need anything?
Beulah: On my way here from the lab, one of your people mentioned lunch. Do they have Pizza Grotto, Burger High Priestess, or Kintoa Fried Chaffinch anymore? I have some kind of munchies, man!”
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2023 04 18
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