On a murky river bottom near Windsor, ON
In an hastily-called press conference, Canadian catfish have called for an end to the term “catfished”.
Speaking through an interpreter, Ms. Pylodictis olivaris exclaimed, “We have had enough of this slight from humans! Despite our bottom-feeding nature, we have provided humankind with a cleaning service like no other.”
Like the water surrounding the hastily assembled sound equipment, the nature of Ms. olivaris’ species’ dismay remained unclear.
“When this derogatory term was first associated with incidents of teenage human females pranking their male counterparts, we weren’t pleased, but put it down to hormonal adjustments evident in that species,” Ms. olivaris added.
The proceedings were suspended when our interpreter experienced difficulty focusing as a globule of unidentified waste struck him in the head.
Ms. olivaris eventually was invited to continue, and after wiping some sludge from her lips, she said, “As that offensive term gained more popularity with the land-dwellers, we became more and more incensed.”
After joking down a drifting piece of indistinguishable matter, olivaris spewed her final remarks.
“However, when that ugliest of Homo sapiens, Tony Clement, chose to associate himself with our common name, we knew something had to be done!”
As a strong smelling current carried the spokesfish away from the microphone, it was believed she uttered, “The image of that man makes me want to puke!”
2018 11 09
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