Salt Lake City, UT – One year into Utah’s Sensitive Materials in Schools Law’s existence, and some scoundrel, according to state representatives, has requested The Bible be banned from schools.
Rep. Ken Ivory (R), the law’s sponsor, is saddened that his work has resulted in a request for a ban of The Bible.
Utah Rep. Ken Ivory (R) (The R is considered redundant)
In an effort to access the innermost thoughts of this state Rep, dougzone22 contacted a mind-meld expert. In preparation for the meeting of the minds, and in fear of a brain-drain, the brain at this end of the Internet was numbed right the fuck up!
The following is a transcript of the dougzone-Ivory mind meld:
“Hello dougzone! I am the mind of Ken Ivory. Welcome to Utah. We like to say Utah is found between Ttah, and Vtah in the state approved dictionary.
I sense you want to know about H.B 374. I sponsored this bill because I had a feeling there was a way to clear some shelf space in our already overly stocked school liberries.
Now, let me assure you, we are not into burning books here, simply getting them out of our schools. After all, a young mind is a terrible thing to fill with sexualization, and hyper-sexualization. There are studies, I’m told, that say that is bad!
Purely coincidentally, as we are open to take requests, a number of shelves have been cleared already, so the legislation has proven to be effective.
Add “Me” to the title: BANNED!
Books like My Two Dads and Me (remember the TV show? This isn’t that!), and other LBGTQ2+EIEIO type books have been delisted. I understand a book about Harriet Tubman was rewritten so the colour of her skin was edited out. We certainly can’t have anything racist distorting our youngins minds! I mean we all know black lives matter, so there’s no need to ram into our children’s heads.
Harriet Tubman: Just a woman who refused to surrender her seat on a bus?
Finally, this The Bible ban request. Sure it is full of incest, onanism, bestiality, prostitution, genital mutilation, fellatio, dildos, rape and even infanticide, but god damn it, we need at least one book that outlines all the shit we shouldn’t do!”
The mind meld app melted, and this mind will not be visiting Ttah, Utah, nor Vtah anytime soon.
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2023 04 03
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