Beetles are rectum-drinkers (#107)

Copenhagen, Denmark – A team of biologists in Copenhagen and Edinburgh have ass-certained beetles not only reclaim moisture from their excrement before its elimination like all animals, but can extract water from the air when necessary.

Hey, I’m drinking over here, so get your face out of my arse!

Putting it simply in their publication for the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences Journal, “ Using genetics and electrophysiological studies, we show that a cation/H+ (NHA1) transporter is exclusively localized to specialized leptophragmata cells in the Malpighian tubules associated with the rectal complex. Ion transport by NHA1 in leptophragmata underpins the movement of water from the rectum to recycle it back to the body, and is essential for maintaining systemic water balance in beetles.”

Peeping scientist ogles anal drinkers strictly for science

With findings such as this, the murderous scientists have plans to find a protein that would interfere with this process, and plan to use it to kill the most numerous beings on Earth.

Rectal hydration, anal drinking, or sphincteral affusion would be quite handy in humans; no ifs, ands, or butts!

Imagine all, or any one of the following:

1. While dining, humans would no longer choke unexpectedly while imbibing.

2. The ever popular, although messy, spit take would become a thing of the past.

3. While in a swimming pool, bathers could enjoy an ice cold beer while simultaneously rehydrating; therefore, no hangover!

Sir Richard of Starkey

Despite these stunning applications of the genetics and electrophysiological studies mentioned above, it seems inevitable jewelers and music historians alike will reached a definitive reason for Richard Starkey, of The Beatles, to have called himself Ringo!


2023 03 29

Your address will only be used for good, not evil!

Author: dougzone22

Canadian. My posts will be like the beer I drink: crafty!

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