Saint-Barnabé, QC – Since July of 2022, a couple of dozen dairy cows have been on the loose is the portion of Quebec near Trois-Rivières. While the subject of great hilarity locally, the free-range cows were actually troublesome to the farmers of the area. They would trample, and eat at will in cornfields, then hide in adjoining forests. Although consulted months ago, Quebec’s Agriculture Ministry and the Ministry of Forests, Fauna and Parks could not decide who had jurisdiction.
“Hit his not a husual hoccurence to ‘ave les vaches on de run,” said a spokesperson for the Ministries in a joint statement.
Les vaches sont sur le sabot (Cows hoofing it into a forest)
After the bovines were finally recaptured, a spokescow, going by the name of #9, has been extremely outspoken.
“Moove on over, Bessie, let me get closer to the reporter,” #9 was first heard to say.
#9 pictured with fellow former escapees
“It all started when Farmer Lapointe left a copy of Animal Farm in the barn on Canada Day (July 1), “ #9 offered. “In that fantasy, pigs are the smart ones, but we knew better. That movie Babe was pure horseshit!”
Questioned about the type of manure, #9 added, “Trust me, I know bullshit, and Babe was pure merde du cheval!”
“Up next, Lapointe’s children did a comparative study of the two movies of The Incredible Journey (1963), and Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993). Those dogs making those two trips were inspirational!” #9 bellowed.
The final straw was a cartoon!
“Yeah, the children closed their movie night with Over the Hedge, and we were all set. We had to steak our claim of freedom.”
Trampled corn stalks provided evidence of cows on the lam
How did the escape happen?
“Back in July, before the punks from Trois-Rivières showed up for some cow-tipping abuse, Bessie, here, noticed an open gate, and we hoofed it out of there!”
Will the bovines try it again next summer?
“Hell, yeah,” #9 lowed, “Plans are already being formed; it was an udderly fantastic experience. First, Farmer Lapointe has promised us a special ride in his big truck; it is like a bus for cows! I already called shotgun.”
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