Abbotsford, BC – An alert corrections officer spied a pigeon sporting a backpack that appeared suspicious. Upon chasing and apprehending the suspicious avian culprit, it was discovered the bird had a cache of methamphetamine in its wee backpack! The officers were surprized, but relieved they had scooped the drugs after releasing the fine feathered friend, despite being considered a flight risk.
“We have had weapons dropped into the compound in the past,” reported a spokesman for the Union for Canadian Correctional Officers. “Recently we have had a rash of drones dropping contraband into our inmate unit yards, so although keeping an eye on the skies, we never suspected birds!”
“I have the insider on your suspect,” squawked a nearby pigeon perched on a stool.
Startled at the thought of not having to procure another bloody interpreter, our dougzone22 reporter engaged this enlightened squab.
“Yeah, they had El Cooz in their grimy mitts,” chirruped Ann ”Stoolie” Onymous, “He fashions himself after Jorge “El Cos” Costilla.”
Ann Onymous asked for secrecy by name
While refusing cash, Ms. Onymous chirped for birdseed, the reporter seeded the conversation, and asked for more details on El Cooz.
“El Cooz decided early on that his clutch would be a coop-tel; cartel seemed so human,” Onymous warbled. “It wasn’t long until the airlifts began.”
And before the intrepid reported could probe for more information, a jail-yard cat spooked the interviewee, and Ann Onymous flew the coop!
She was heard to shriek, “Cheese it; the fuzz!”
Onymous last seen on the wing
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2023 01 06
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