Giant Snowman in peril! (#94)

Kanata, ON – After the huge snowstorm a few days ago, a local resident began doing, what residents of Kanata do, he built a giant snowman!  It is Kanata after all.

Chris created a five-metre tall snowman using a ladder, his neighbours’ assistance, and 40 hours of his life. The enormity of this item demanded the use of tennis balls for eyes, hockey pucks for buttons, and a garden planter as the top hat. One neighbour even offered a hammock to replace the scarf typically wrapped around the neck.

Kanatanites pose with snowman du jour

None of this activity would have been exposed if Environment Canada (EC) hadn’t decided that winter had temporarily ended a few days after the project ended. The thermostat for the entire country has two settings.

Anonymous Environment Canada employee prepares to fiddle about

Before Giant “Don’t Call Me Frosty” Snowman disappeared, dougzone22 attempted an interview. Snowman’s designer admitted there hadn’t been time to add a mouth (no interview possible), or arms (sign language couldn’t be employed), so a mind reader was engaged for this task.

A nearby neighbour claimed to have the necessary skills, and got right to work. Almost instantly, she divined Snowman was afraid of heights, and that sublimation was in his near future.

Sensing a scam artist was at work, an alternate mind reader was requested.

Mme Claire Voyant arrived with the appropriate credentials, and revealed a tune that Snowman was managing to sing to itself, obviously:

I ain’t Frosty the Snowman

I’m a miserable pile of snow

I have balls for eyes

And I am stuck with pucks

And this place I live just sucks!

It must have been that hammock

They wrapped around my neck

That convinced EC to warm things up

And make me water in a cup!

Drippety drip drip

Drippety drip drip

Look at my body flow!

Drippety drip drip

Drippety drip drip

I guess it’s time to go!

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