Vancouver, BC – A Vancouver company would like to be the first to mine the Clarion-Clipperton Zone (CCZ) in the Pacific Ocean. The goal of the project is to gather polymetallic nodules that are found lying on the ocean floor. The nodules have formed naturally over millions of years, and contain cobalt, copper, manganese and nickel. These minerals are seen as essential for the production of solar panels, and electric cars.
Seeking input from locals, we approached what appeared, in the extremely dim light, to be a kiosk.
“Get you polymetallic nodules here!” exclaimed a sea cucumber named Gummy “Einstein” Squirrel by it’s friends.
“Hello!” we offered.
To which Gummy screamed, “Why are you yelling, for fuck sake!”?
Apparently, at a depth of 4 000 metres, sound carries really well.
Whispering, we rejoined with, “A lot of water pressure here, eh?”
“God damn right”, Gummy retorted quietly.
Then his Einstein nickname took over the conversation.
“To calculate water pressure, you need to know P = p·h·g, where p is the liquid’s density, h is the depth, and g, of course, is acceleration due to gravity. For sea water p = 1023.6 kg/mᴲ, h = 4000, and g = 9.8 m/s2. That works out to 40 125 kPa. Your normal air pressure up there where you live is about 101 kPa. In seabed parlons, it will crush your coconut!”
One more question was enough for us, “What do you think of the plan to mine this area for your nodules?”
“To put it mildly, it pisses me off! In 1978 an experimental “miner” vacuumed the ocean floor. It sucked up many of my friends, and all of the nodules. That area lies barren to this day,” Gummy added miserably.
At press time, a team of Israeli engineers, archeologists, and geneticist were rumoured to be preparing to clone Moses, in hope that he would be willing to part the Pacific Ocean over the CCZ to facilitate polymetallic-nodule extraction.
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2022 09 06
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