Seville, Spain – As heat waves sweep across the continents of the world, a new international project is experimenting with naming the heat waves as are hurricanes, and cyclones. The WHO isn’t convinced this plan has merit, and in Canada, some researchers agree with the WMO and are skeptical of how a naming system will communicate the severity of heat waves. In Seville Spain this summer, the first heat-wave name used was Zoe!
“I’m really, really against it. I think that hearing, you know, the heat wave, Zoe or Joey is about to come your way. It doesn’t really drive fear in my heart. I think that I don’t necessarily pay attention to it,” said Canadian climatologist David Phillips.
Well, despite Mr. Phillips skepticism, and in keeping with our mission here at dougzone22, we ran a think-tank, and have a thorough list of names, and an accompanying descriptor of the wave’s severity. The entire first think-tank session was squandered finding an appropriate title!
Well, despite Mr. Phillips skepticism, and in keeping with our mission here at dougzone22, we ran a think-tank, and have a thorough list of names, and an accompanying descriptor of the wave’s severity. The entire first think-tank session was squandered finding an appropriate title!
dougzone22’s Alphabetical/Chronological Heat-Wave Naming Algorithm
Andrew/Athena, man it is hot!
Betsy/Brady, oh baby! It’s hot!
Charles/Christina, are you running the furnace right now?
Dianna/Dylan, you have to cut this shit right out, girl!
Ethan/Elizabeth, are you kidding me right now?
Francis/Francisco, enough with the baking in summer!
Gordon/Genevieve, will you please cook outside today!
Helen/Harvey, this is getting damn ridiculous!
Ian/Ilene, may I stand by your car’s engine to cool off?
Josie/James, I am about to lose my shit over here!
Kamala/Kendall, we aren’t even halfway through this year’s heat waves, damn it all to Hell!
Luigi/Laura, please, ram that blowtorch up my ass!
Magdalena/Mark, Christ on a cracker it is steamy out here!
Nigel/Natalie, at this point the fry-an-egg-on-the-pavement news items will appear
Ophelia/Oscar, buy me an ice cappuccino, and pour it in my pants!
Peter/Penelope, strip me naked, and fly me to Antarctica!
Quinn/Qasim, it is so fucking hot
Rafael/Rose, Oh for fuck sake!
Steph/Scott, are you fucking kidding me right now!
Trent/Tatiana, if one more person says, “Hot enough for you?” all hell will break fucking loose!
Ugenia/Ullyses, just fuck off and die!
Victor/Valerie, don’t even think of fucking breathing anywhere in this house.
Willow/Waylon, Fuckitty, fuck, fuck!
Xavier/Xaria, Fuuuuuuuuucking hot!
Yvette/Yusef, Hell called and is willing to pay the ransom now
Zeke/Zoe, (think-tank ran out of descriptors, and settled on…)
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2022 08 15
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