Brechin, ON – The discovery of a 450-million-year-old fossil has raised the ire of characters in the Pokémon world again! Speaking from inside an old Nintendo game system Ash “Satoshi” Ketchum is livid.
“Holy shitballs,” Ketchum bellowed, “Not since 2016, have I been so upset!”
Mr. Ketchum is referencing an incident in Toronto in August that year.
“Mayor John Tory tried to give us the heave-ho that summer; said we were clogging up a ferry terminal,” Ketchum recalled.
At the time, a portable version of the game called Pokémon Go offered players numerous “Pokéstops” at the Jack Leyton Ferry Terminal.
Ketchum continued to spew, “It wasn’t us imaginary characters, but the human nerds who needed to be sent away. We were there first, for fuck sake!”
How does a fossil discovery bring grief to our imaginary friend?
“An article on CBC News, suggests Tomlinsonus dimitri resembles a Pokémon character, if you can fucking believe it!” Ash continued, “Not every dragon-like dinosaur is a Pokémon! We may be imaginary, but we have a heritage, and feelings too.”
As Ash stormed off, he was overheard muttering, “Now, I can appreciate that otherwise idiotic politician wanting to defund the CBC.”
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