Ballinafad, ON – In 1884, the Scottish-Canadian Sir Sanford Fleming proposed the Earth be subdivided into 24 sections of 15° each in order for the sun to be directly overhead at noon in every section. In doing so, he created time zones, and was knighted for his suggestion.
One local man, Tempus “Fugit” Chronograph, is opposed to the well established practice.
“This time zone concept is bloody ridiculous,” Chronograph bellowed, “After 138 years, this theory has had its time.”
Chronograph claims to have a keen interest in time.
In a timely manner, he uttered, “For some unknown reason, I have always had a keen interest in time.”
He deems Fleming’s work is flawed.
“If the time zones were uniform, then I might be able to overlook them,” he added, “but they aren’t! India should have 2, but elected to go with one. My country has 5.5. Bloody inconsistent, I say!”
And don’t mention the International Date Line.
Without missing a beat, Chronograph screamed, “The International Date Line should be straight as piss, but is as crooked as my dear granny’s spine.
Finished with his preamble, Tempus got right down to it without a second to spare.
“These Olympics have me eating breakfast while watching a hockey game. Am I to have steak, eggs and a beer at 8:00 am? No, the game should be on at night, which it would if we lost the time zones.”
Recent protests in Canada have encouraged Chronograph to act out against time zones.
“I am starting my own protest,” he announced. “I am going to take my wall clock and set up outside the town hall.”
As we parted company with Chronograph, he was seen storming off toward the town hall chanting, “It’s about time. It’s about time…!”
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