Glen Williams, ON – “Don’t tell me how it ends, or even if it ends at all!” exclaimed Elmer Brownlow as our reporter walked up his laneway. “I can explain.”
Mr. Brownlow has been identified as the last man on Earth to crack into the by-now well known documentary series.
Brownlow continued, “After my VHS machine crapped out just before the holidays, my kids, who were tired of the movie selection I had from Preston’s Food Mart, hooked me up with the Netflix. At first I was put off by the spelling of it, but thought I would try it on New Year’s Eve.”
Seems NYE was the start of Brownlow’s addiction.
“I have always been fond of nature documentaries, so Tiger King jumped right off the screen at me, he admittedly enthusiastically. “Ask anyone, it has changed my life!”
Down the street at the local pub, owner Paul “Put a head on it” Draughtpuller was more than disappointed to be asked about Brownlow’s habit.
“Christ on a wafer, it was embarrassing,” he lamented. “You’d think he had located his long-lost brother! It got to the point where I was losing customers who didn’t care to be reminded of their own early-pandemic poor choices. I had to ban the poor guy!”
Undaunted, Brownlow took it all in stride.
Proudly he proclaimed, “I am going to send a letter to the Academy of Television Arts insisting it acknowledge this fabulous series. Oh remember, no spoilers in the article, please.”
Elmer was last seen walking Main Street seeking out-of-town licence plates in hopes of finding a fresh audience to annoy.
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