The news in brief(s)

London, UK – The Metropolitan Police Service (The Met) has released a forensic-artist’s sketch of a man nicknamed The Over-the-Garden-Wall Guy for his resemblance to a man who has made a quick exit from the home of a lover when her husband returned home unexpectedly.

The Met is seeking any information from witnesses, or dashboard camera owners.

Klaipėda, Lithuania – A team of gastroenterologists at Klaipėda University Hospital spent hours removing a kilogram of nails, screws, and bolts from the stomach of a man who had recently given up alcohol. Complaining of stomach pain, the gentleman eventually admitted to self-medicating for a suspected iron deficiency.

“Vithout his daily intake of booze, we figure he vanted to get “hammered” again, or had lost all hope of getting ever “screwed,” postulated Dr. Šarūnas Dailidėnas humourlessly. “One thing is for surely, medical shtudents vill have to add “fastener-itis” to their glossary of terms!”

London, UK – This just in! The Met has located a CCTV image of the individual previously identified as The Over-the-Garden-Wall Guy.