Uppsala, SE – A peculiar sound has been heard recently in Sweden. A team of investigators was dispatched to locate the source. Weeks of exhaustive searching concluded when the noise was determined to be emanating from a graveyard in Uppsala, a city north of Stockholm.
Upon approaching the bone orchard in question, the detectives were met by a spokesghost for Carl Linnaeus.
As if a tour guide at the Carl Linnaeus Museum, the spectre began with a brief history of the world famous botanist, zoologist, taxonomist, and physician.
“Carl Linnaeus was born in 1707, died 1778, and developed a system of classifying living things entitled Systema Naturae that is used to this day!” he proclaimed proudly.
The museum-speak did not end there.
“Imagine the work involved in deciding on five kingdoms into which all livings belong. Linnaeus’ taxonomy uses discreet criteria to segregate the living items. Plants are very different from animals obviously.” The spokesghost was relentless in its education of the assembled masses.
“Mammals, although quite varied, are unique as a class of animals for having mammary glands responsible for milk production. Mammals cannot be plants!”
Finally getting around to the point, the spokesghost concluded, “According to Systema Naturae Soy, Almonds, and most recently potatoes cannot make MILK!”
What say you of the whirring sound that lured the group to Uppsala originally, spokesghost?
“The great Carl Linnaeus is spinning in his grave! Now, go away.”
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2021 09 13