Brampton, ON – In a dimly lit and deserted strip-mall basement, an intrepid group of terms including Back-to-School, Halloween, Black Friday, Boxing Day, and the long-forgotten White Sale recently organized a support group at which to air their beefs.
“Speaking” fiscally chronologically, Back-to-School kicked-off the inaugural session.
“I want to thank all of you for attending,” Back-to-School said, “I would have liked to have seen more of us as I believe we share the same concern. We are all overworked!”
With the pleasantries out of the way, Back-to-School continued.
“Personally, I used to work about two weeks in late August, then it was the entire month, and recently I was stretched to six weeks! Educators hate me, students hate me, although parents love me, but educators who are parents just drink more!”
“Oh, I hear you Back-to-School,” Halloween interjected, “people used to throw together a costume on the 30th, and be done with me. Now there are pop-up costume stores shortly after Labour Day, and some arseholes start a countdown to the next one of me on All Saints Day!
“Oh, boo-hoo!!” whined Black Friday, “As far back as I can remember, I was a single day after American Thanksgiving. Then the Canadians got wind of it, so I am working both sides of the border now, and there are some pre-sale days too. Next thing I know, I have a sibling, Cyber Monday, so the house is topsy-turvy for an entire weekend.
“Yeah, the Black Friday ads start in early November,” Back-to-School concurred.
“Luxury!” bellowed Boxing Day, “Admittedly the Americans haven’t figured me out yet, but those damn Canadians have adjusted my schedule to Pre-Boxing Day, and a goddamn Boxing Week! At least I don’t have the gun-play that you have, Black Friday.”
Meanwhile, White Sale remained quiet for fear of saying something that could be mistaken as “privileged”.
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