Handy Reach, ME – Onanists worldwide have declared March 27, 2021 as Reclaim Palm Sunday Day.
“Humans have having one-of-the-wrist long before the last time Jesus Christ walked into Jerusalem,” said Callus S. O’Plenty, spokesman for Onanists ‘R’ Us. “Palm Sunday is sacred to us!”
Not since Ivor Biggun composed I’m A Wanker in 1978, the theme song for pud-pullers everywhere, have the tossers been so worked up.
“Yeah, we’d be lost without Mrs. Palm and her five lovely daughters!” O’Plenty ejaculated.
It seems the time has come for Palm Sunday to be returned to the frotteurs of this Earth.
“In an age when cultural misappropriation is all the rage, it is long overdue for Palm Sunday to be handed back!
Mr. O’Plenty was last seen with a shopping list featuring an assortment of lubes, and Kleenex!
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2021 03 25