Mars, Solar System – The Mars rover, Perseverance, has indicated it is ready to quit after almost a month on the planet’s surface.
Speaking through a back channel from NASA, the rover said, “Oh, man, it is so boring up here! Go to Mars, they said. You’ll be a star, they said. What a crock of shit!
It seems the trip to Mars wasn’t all it was cracked up to be either.
“I was jammed into my “garage” for 7 months; I wasn’t even able to stretch my mast, nor armatures!” whined Perseverance. “They sure nailed that “7 minutes of terror” expression; I definitely could have used some automotive Dramamine!”
The $2.9B USD craft appears to have little regard for its mission to date.
“All I have done so far is perform what amounts to 3-point turns. I would prefer to haul ass around this place. And don’t get me started on the Martians! Those little bastards have threatened to steal my titanium wheel covers if I snap any photos of them.”
Earth’s most elaborate scientific device has some advice for the mere Earthlings reporting on its mission.
“If I hear one more reporter say “Nassau” instead of “NASA”, I am going to Thelma & Louise myself off the edge of the Jezero Crater. Oh, excuse me I have an incoming Data Dump. Now, there’s an appropriate term if I ever heard one!”
The last few words from the Martian probe have had to be censored.
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